13 days left

As another day passes by, I keep observing myself through this. The first thing I noticed is how much I want to be left alone. I'm actually a little cranky and isolation seems the only way. I really don't want to leave the house and more than that I just want to be seated in front of my laptop and in front of my TV without being interrupted. As time goes by I'm starting to figure out that my nerves are getting the best of me, and that soon, I'll be standing in front of an audience, hopefully convincingly enough to earn a degree. Anyway, as I was distracted visualizing absolutely everything (starting from the makeup I'm gonna wear), I decided to tackle the easiest parts first. That is, drawings and slight changes to the presentation, which are still necessary. As I went to bed kind of early, after deciding to stop working after dinner, I used mandalas to meditate and relax.

Mandala, taken from http://www.mandalaproject.org

Mandalas are drawings usually in circular shapes that, as you color them, help you relax and concentrate later on. If you're interested I found http://www.mandalaproject.org/, a website devoted to mandalas. A few months ago, in a quest to find spiritual answers, that obviously led me to more questions, I ended up in a place that helped to sort a few things out and they also led me to mandalas. The idea of sitting down to color things, as fun as it sounded, was childish and honestly, to me it sounded ridiculous that something like that would help, at all. I thought it would be a waste of time. I must admit, though, that coloring is not the worst thing in the world and that I love color, so I decided to give it a try. One of my yoga teachers also suggested that I could play meditation music while I do it. Brilliant idea. Last night I couldn't think about work and the defense, just on me. What I want, what I expect and most importantly, it made me realize that the most important part of the presentation is me. Not the results, not the presentation itself, and not even if I'm prepared to answer every single question. It's more about being ready (I hope that doesn't bite m in the ass). I've doing this for almost 5 years and I've learned a lot just by writing the thesis. I'll keep studying, of course, but I'll keep in mind that it's me who needs to be ready. I'll get there.