14 days left....

As the big day approaches I find myself a little confused and very confident. I don't know if too much but I'm still waiting to maybe have a nervous breakdown at the very end.... If you have no idea of what I'm talking about, let me fill you in. A few months ago I handed in my PhD thesis and then I waited for a while until a couple of weeks ago, when the date for the thesis defense was set. The defense is basically an oral exam about your results, what you did, what you didn't do and most importantly about the consequences of those results, how do they affect the world, the research and your field. My field is biochemistry and I think the science included on my thesis is pretty solid. No worries there. But still, what concerns me the most is how to present it to examiners. Confidence is key, but speaking in public is clearly not my cup of tea. I still have to master the language I should use, and basically having domain over the public. I've had a few rehearsals so far, and it hasn't been that bad. Things are going good and my performance is getting stronger.

I can't believe it's been almost five years since I started. Back then, I was a kid following somebody else's path and trying to figure out what I wanted and what I loved. I still feel like that kid, like I haven't figured everything I thought I would by now. In a very unexpected way, everything sorted out itself and my hard work paid off as I handed in a document with all my findings and that makes me proud to read.

But the oral presentation seals the deal and I'll get to walk out of that room having earned the right to ask people to call me doctor. I feel anxious and happy at the same time. I want it to be over already, but I don't ever want it to happen. It's inevitable, so I just have to embrace it.

For the last few weeks I've been asking myself a few questions. What should I be doing now? what are they gonna ask?? what should I be studying???

I'll worry about that tomorrow, for now, I'll be spending a relaxed friday night...

As I worry about time passing by and me not doing enough, I've decided to document it and have some reflections on everyday, just to keep me sane for the 2 weeks left.